Bits // Peaces

I do music too! And sometimes I even want other people to listen to it. After years of on-and-off recording, please enjoy my first actual album: Bits // Peaces.

I’ve put stuff on SoundCloud before but this time I’ve taken the plunge and distributed my music to all the apps—including Spotify, YouTube Music, Apple Music, and of course Bandcamp.

Below I’m putting down a couple of thoughts and the lyrics¹ for each track.

Influences

All art is derivative, so it’s only fair to mention when I have taken inspiration from others in my songwriting. Sometimes there are clear flavours of other songs in the final product, other times my song ends up in a completely different place. But most of all, these are songs I really really like and I think you should listen to them too.

For Anything From Anyone

This one goes back a long way! I wrote it at university when I was being a bit of a mess and making a lot of mistakes with my relationships. I was thinking about a friend who was in the same boat and this song evolved as a sort of imagined heart-to-heart.

So it’s now the nights are darkest
You’re counting stars to see a sign
But the stars won’t give you answers
They never gave me mine

Yeah I’ve stood here before you
I’ve thrown away too many friends
Take a hold of what you’re doing
Does it justify the ends

I went out walking in the forest
Mmmm I never knew I had the time

I thought I’d show you what I found there
Mmmm but it was never mine to find

The fire at sunset burned the brightest
The night consumed the golden flame
I ran so hard to flee the ashes
But choked on ashes all the same

Now I’ve cut the ropes that bound me
And pushed some blood into my veins
I never saw what I was doing
Now you’re doing it the same

I can see it bend your shoulders
The crown you force yourself to wear
Your self-pressure’s pushing outwards
And turning them away

And it feels a little sweeter
Mmmm when you breathe a little more
Maybe there won’t be a saviour
Mmmm pick your feet up off the floor

I guess there’s nothing that I can do
About my sins when I was young
All I can is ask forgiveness
For anything from anyone

Influences

One Day, Part I

My father died at the very start of the Coronavirus pandemic in March 2020, and this is the first of four tracks on this album that sketch out a journey of grief. Grief is exhausting. It saps your strength for weeks and months, long after others’ patience might have worn thin. Well meaning condolences told stories of Dad’s energy, his impact on so many people’s lives—at the same time, I was feeling increasingly useless, unable to handle even the smallest inconvenience before burning out.

I wrote the original One Day in despair; how could I possibly live up to that example?

Every day it feels the same
Looking back behind
Every day it feels the same
Keep it out my mind

And I run, and I run, and I run
From fear of waking up
And wondering where you’ve gone

One day
I’ll finish all the things I plan to do, and
One day
I’ll look at filling in some larger shoes

And I run, and I run, and I run
For fear of waking up
And wondering where you’ve gone

One day (one day)
I’ll finish all the things I plan to do, and
One day (one day)
I’ll look at filling in some larger shoes, and
One day (one day)
I’ll finish all the things I plan to do, and
One day (one day)
I’ll look at filling in some larger shoes

Straight of Georgia

Straight of Georgia is a silly song I wrote without too many layers of meaning or deep personal relevance. It imagines a smoky summer sunset on a Vancouver beach (probably Wreck Beach) where there’s a drum circle off in the distance - that’s about it! I pretty much exclusively used the barebones ReaSynth plugin and an 808 emulator to get a retro, 8-bit style sound.

Smoke is in the air again, a halo
Straight of Georgia on my mind and you
Looking at me

Drums recede into the background
That’s when I decide

That I’ll be coming home with you
‘Cause the light has got me feeling like I wanna know you better
And I hope that you feel the same way too

Lament

This is a much more immediate response to losing Dad. I actually started sketching the chord progression just before, and then it all got hijacked by personal tragedy. I do skip around time a little bit, but all the lyrics do relate to very real events - the “godless plane” refers to the literal aeroplane on the flight home (no metaphysics here) which was quite possibly one of the worst 9 hours of my life. So I wrote this and focused on getting the 4/4 to 6/8 transition right.

You’re looking through the hazy screen
And you’re on your way back home
There’s people trying to reach you
And I just tried to teach you
But you would rather sing alone

Things are looking bad right now
But you’ve got me and you know, somehow
We’ll see the end of it
And you’re lying there and you’re feeling strange
And life might never be the same

They took you off into the night
And they promised that you’d return
Your body broke beneath you
We couldn’t even see you
Why did you have to leave alone?

The songs are sung, the poems read
The sun is burning everything away
You planted so many seeds now
Too many people need you
Tomorrow looks too like today

Things are f****** s*** right now
So you’re allowed to scream and shout
And curse the skin of it
So lie right there and cry in pain
A wordless prayer in a godless plane

Things are looking bad right now
But you’ve got me and you know, somehow
We’ll see the end of it
And you’re lying there and you’re feeling strange
And life might never be the same

Scroll My Life

Another fun one to cleanse the palette. I wrote and recorded this from start to finish in about 6 hours as a challenge for CiTR’s 24 Hours of Radio Art, back in January 2021. It’s also the only one song on this album that wasn’t primarily produced with Reaper DAW—GarageBand instead! I was listening to a lot of Black Pumas at the time and they were definitely an inspiration, but with the trippy background guitar in the verses and Moon Safari-style keyboard fills later on, it turned into a kind of “psychedelic soul” track in the end.

Where do I go now?
I can’t seem to shake this feeling
My head’s still reeling
There’s colours in the air
It’s keeping me up all night

I’m sticking to the floor
Reminds me of my darkest hunger
When I was younger
I never would’ve thought
It follows me everywhere

I’m so tired

Don’t have time in the day for work and play
So instead I’m gonna scroll my life away

How long can I last?
Was playing life on easy
But then it all fell down
And I kinda wanna run away
But life it doesn’t work that way

But when I follow through
You bet I’m gonna feel that rhythm
To keep on living’
The kids I thought I knew
Will know that I’m feeling right

But I’m so tired

Don’t have time in the day for work and play
So instead I’m gonna scroll my life away

Influences

Faded Away

Here, the music came first and I filled in some words later. Sometimes I like to just have fun and experiment with certain instruments—most of these were from the Spitfire Audio LABS plugins, which are also liberally sprinkled through the other tracks.

Hey
What took me so long
To write another song
I faded away

And I feel like I’m falling apart
With my sleep slipping out of my hands
When I glimpse at the image of her
Written on the back of my eyes
She could hold me close and say
Everything will be alright

Say
They said it before
It don’t count any more
I faded away
Say

//

Intermission time! Like the album name, this marks the boundary between generally higher energy, more electronic sounds and more downtempo, peaceful tunes in the second half. The guitar here was recorded in a cabin on BC’s Sunshine Coast in 2019 which was then chopped and changed to form a disjointed descent, aided by a deep organ, before resolving to a brighter fadeout. Just listen to it, you’ll understand.

Blossom Song

One of my absolute favourites. I didn’t even start the blossom song myself; my fiancée Sasha who first wrote the lyrics as a poem. During a walk down blossom-filled streets one spring evening, we just started dancing together in the middle of the street (how romantic!). So I had some pretty great material to start with, and I set it to music for her birthday while I was away with my family.

Dance with me
Beneath the cherry blossom trees
I’d like to have you near
Whilst the road is still clear
Amidst this cherry blossom breeze

Guide me, missteps and all
I am not afraid to fall
With clear blue eyes and sunset skies
You, my dear, are where my heart lies

Be gentle but decided
As we dance to no tune
In the presence of the young moon
Who laughs at our souls
Now collided

Remember that melody, always sang
Under where the cherry blossoms hang
That while we’re still young
To find our hearts
That have just sprung

Influence

A lyrical reference only, this is a very musically different song!

Better Man

You’re looking at a very lucky song here, it almost didn’t make the cut. When I first wrote it—and I can’t remember exactly when it was—the verse lyrics were much more mopey and dejected, and they weren’t even good! But I liked the vintage tremolo guitar and chorus structure too much to give up so I gave it another go. I like looking back at myself years ago and seeing how I’ve developed as a person, and this is a song about the help we get from our loved ones and the occasional steps backward along the way. I just hope it doesn’t become an “I can fix him” anthem!

And it was
A chip on your cold shoulder
A tilt of your head
Maybe a frost in the air that can’t be lifted

How does it feel?
Well, it’s kinda like a failing
Like a painful regret that he couldn’t do better

And sure he’s not perfect
But you can lend him a hand
And you don’t need to worry
‘Cause you’re making him a better man

Shorter and shorter the storms are becoming
And wider and wider the peace in between

Ooh and this work needs two pairs of hands
But you know and he knows that four hands are ready

And you know he’ll try
As hard as he can
And you don’t need to worry
‘Cause you’re making him a better man

And sure he’s not perfect
But you can lend him a hand
And you don’t need to worry
‘Cause you’re making him a better man
(‘Cause you’re making me a better man)

And you know he’ll try
As hard as he can
And you don’t need to worry
‘Cause you’re making him a better man
(‘Cause you’re making me a better man)

One Day, Part II

Where Part I looks ahead with dread, Part II looks ahead with hope. One night I was feeling things pretty hard, and I just went for a walk down to the sea, looking out over English Bay towards Downtown Vancouver - and the seed for Part II was born.

I never used to cry at films
But now I do, now I do
I never used to cry at films
But now I do

I never used to feel the rain
But now I do, now I do
I never used to feel the rain
But now I do

And I’ve been rowing against the tide
I said I’d come inside
But please forgive me
I need to try

One day
I’ll look across the harbour, and
One day
I’ll smile at all you offered
One day
It stops getting harder, and
One day
I might be a father too

I never used to fear the worst
But now I do, now I do
I never used to fear the worst
But now I do

I never used to lean on her
But now I do, now I do
I never used to lean on her
But now I do

And I’m still rowing against the tide
I said I’d come inside
But please forgive me
I need to try

One day
I’ll look across the harbour, and
One day
I’ll smile at all you offered
One day
It stops getting harder, and
One day
I might be a father too

I never used to hit the road
But now I do, now I do
I never used to hit the road
But now I do

I never used to make it work
But now I do, now I do
I never used to make it work
But now I do

And I’ll be rowing against the tide
I said I’d come inside
But please forgive me
I need to try

One day
I’ll look across the harbour, and
One day
I’ll smile at all you offered
One day
It stops getting harder, and
One day
I might be a father too

And I’ll be rowing against the tide
I said I’d come inside
But please forgive me
I need to try

Influence

Hey Dad

This song started out as a guitar picking pattern, which I worked out and then marinaded in my head for a few weeks before adding the rest. Sometimes with writing I go back again and again trying to tweak things and being perpetually unsatisfied (looking at you, One Day Parts I and II…) but here it all spilled out perfectly formed, and that was hugely meaningful to me given the subject matter.

This is a closure song, an imagined phone catch-up with Dad to let him know how things have been since he passed. And yes, it’s not like everything’s sunshine and roses. Life certainly hasn’t ever been the same, as predicted in Lament, but I think I’m closer to the hopeful Part II version of One Day than the panicked Part I version.

Hey Dad
Just thought I’d make a call
Just following up
‘Cause even though it’s been a while
Some things have changed
And I wanna keep you involved

That girl
You met her once, I’m glad you did
Cause she’s the one for me
And I’m the one for her
We’re getting married soon
And I wish you could have seen us settle down
But you’re away now

And Mum, she’s doing okay
But it’s hard to be there from way out here

Hey Dad
Just thought I’d make a call
It’s a little harder now
With one fewer soul to tell it all
The things I love and bridges I have burned

And Mum, she’s doing okay
But it’s hard to be there from way out here

Hey Dad
It’s different now you’re gone
There’s a song I like where Charlie Fink says
“If you can, you should get to know your parents well”
Well I’m sorry, I missed that
I really miss you too
We all do

And Mum, she’s doing okay
But it’s hard to be there from way out here
And it’s hard to see my brother shed a tear
And it’s hard just living with all this fear

Influences

Elbow are the masters of making wistful, gentle songs with deceptively simple structure. I was definitely going for something along these lines.

And of course, the song I reference where Charlie Fink says what he says is this:

Songlet // Slow Love

OK so this is a really cute one to finish off. I wrote the first part soon after meeting my now-fiancée, while we were still working each other out and not really on top of communication. It became a bit of an anthem for us, and still reminds us we’re on each other’s side. I do vividly remember working out the lyrics on the extremely slow cabin chairlift at Mt Seymour ski hill.

Slow Love was the last part of this album to be written. I always wanted to end with the Songlet plus something else and it felt natural to bookend the last six years of life together with a fond look back at how we’ve changed. Also a rebuttal to the idea that love has to always be fast and passionate. Yes we’re more boring now, and no we don’t care.

Now we’ve been going a little while
And I think things are great
I wanna tell you how I feel
Before it gets too late

I’m scared to get it wrong, but
I wrote this little songlet
I love you, man, you know I do
But I don’t know how to prove to you

Oh, my lover
Oh, my friend
Tell me how you feel so I can try to make amends
Tell me how you feel so I can try to make amends

//

Blowing the dust off the snippets we’d written
Love was so fast and exciting back then
When we were together and we were apart
A touch or a word and a racing of hearts

But now we live slow love
A comfort and a shelter love
Slow love
Every morning tea in bed love
Slow love
Dinner dates and dishes love
Slow love

We’ve seen our best and our worst days
Explored every inch of our souls
Give me a word and I’ll give up the world
For a quiet evening at home

Because we live slow love
No surprise and rolling eyes love
Slow love
Batting for each other love
Slow love
An easy going silent love
Slow love
Enough to last a lifetime love
Slow love

Tenuous influence

Salinas by Laura Marling contains the lyric “Oh, my mother / Oh, my friends”, a misremembered version of which must have been in my subconscious on that ski lift.